It's not that I haven't wanted to write, oh god you have no idea how much I've wanted to spill my guts. It's just that I've been waiting for the 'right' time to write.
I've had a revelation though, there is no 'right' time, not for me anyway. It's like asking a part of me to become non existent for a time, to be ignored completely. The reality of that is just implausible.
I've coped with my forced silence these past months by eating my emotions, to stifle the hurt, the shared pain, disappointment, and rage, just to appear calm. Misery followed, and all the other negatives you'd expect.
The time has come to stop with that bullshit and just be who I am once more.
Yah, this is so not a pole post, it's a this is who I am post.
I'm Deb by the way, nice to meet you.
Long story short, a member of my family had been in a relationship that became emotionally abusive. There was manipulation, control, lies, isolation from friends, tears, so many friggin tears. But he got out. Yes, he. I am not saying he didn't make mistakes, you better believe he did. But he paid such a significantly high price in comparison. He lost a job, lost 'family', gave away a sport he loved, gave up studies, to be available when needed. To his credit he recognised how this wasn't how he wanted to be treated, that emotional cruelty and demands isn't love, and he realised he was worth more. The process to reach these conclusions was horrific, but he did it. And I am proud.
Life goes on right. We make mistakes, we get hurt, and we learn the lessons; unfortunately we harden a little bit, but we survive.
And we have, we all have.
Where to now? Seriously it's just family and friends rallying around to help put the broken pieces back together. Unfortunately, the pieces will never go back the way they were, and he will be forever changed, but I know he will find love again. The way love is meant to be: gentle, passionate, healing, happy, supportive and encouraging.
It's been almost three months post now. Doors are once again opening, opportunities are revealing themselves, he's taking steps forward. I can't wait for the next love to show him how it's truly meant to be.
I'm Deb... and I'm a hopeless romantic.